I want to have your abortion
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
