im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
