I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
