Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
