great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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