It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
