There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
