This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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