remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
