I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
