i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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