you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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