I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No subtext here. People are naked.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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