Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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