Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
