Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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