I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
