I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
