I think my fart just growled at me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
