I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
