yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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