so that wasnt chicken after all
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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