connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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