I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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