ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
