Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
