Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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