You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
