whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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