Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
