i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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