The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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