Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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