Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
