it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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