Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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