i just had sex bonerless
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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