i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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