Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
