Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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