It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
