I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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