He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
