I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
