Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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