I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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