She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
