This girl is more easily done than said...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
PANTIES FOUND
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