i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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