just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
