"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
how drunk are you?
Several
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
