I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
