dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i think my cat just said my name.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
