a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
