So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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