farters have to be the big spoon...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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