i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
ugly people sure do ruin things
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
