Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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