I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
