what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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